the Compassion Speak Blog by Sean Allison

I used to look at the memories in my abyss as a corner of life not fancied. These grievances were given to me, not to torment me, rather for me to enter inside and paint those halls with life and love. At what point do I awaken to the potential sunrise hidden in my pain?

I bask in the innovation that comes from a stricken and captive moment. Unable to move or speak, a breathless delight catches me off guard. This is the save, medication and spice which my body longs for and sets out seeking. It is in this vacuum that the troubles are forgotten in a moment of breathless delight. If only I could become it, to visit a little longer, and draw out the enchantment.

There are stages of life where our most valuable moments are stolen away from us by jealous attempts of forcing something that has not arrived. I am familiar with this. Some of my favorite dishes now are patience and preparation. The recipes that we enjoy so much have already been set in motion.

The workings behind the scenes can add so much to this moment. God creates embellishments through my interpretation. Then like a surprised parent, God delights in the discoveries of his children.

The brighter days do need their practice too. Like an estranged couple getting familiar with the empty nest. What inside is longing for a lover to set it free? I am in the arms of a Loving Universe that seeks out my pleasure, and passion. Perhaps I can capture the very moment that an estranged God falls in love with me? I fall in love with moments of awe struck silence, which mends all of the lonely times where I found fault with the darkness, and wrestled with it. Now I can befriend that darkness, shape it, court it, marvel at the birthing pains of this vacuum and the beginnings of the hunger of a new idea.

I have no doubt about this love affair with myself, with my God, with this world. I will continue to love and delve into the depths of compassion. It is nourishing, fleeting worthy of my time and starving for my attention. This is why I expand on this expression of self care. What comes from within me, seeks out its twin in the world around me. In those who can only touch the immense landscape of beauty within me. I have taken my expeditions and inner archaeological digs and made them public. It is the impact of those discoveries that makes my Indiana Jones so attractive, sought after and worthy of a new interlude…

I created the monster’s that I hide from. The demons that keep me awake. I have also found a profound friend in sitting down and inviting them for supper. Making significant their journey and rolling out the carpet for their arrival. It is the medicine to what I have not experienced and hold so tightly too.

The complaint can never take me to where I wish to go. It can reveal what I am longing to receive and can secretly design within me. All of my demons have kept me alive and well under the worst of circumstances. They shaped my greatest accomplishments and contributions. They are worthy of my affections for without them I would not have had a stage, a garden, a birth canal for the significant to arrive.

I am gifted with the awful with it’s strange wrappings that chafe my skin, cause me to itch and poke at the fragility of my life. How many of those presents have remained unopened? What surprises does God have in store, longing for my affection through the infection of this first impression?